out in daylight, my potential

Ugh, I keep passing out stupid early every night and sleeping forever. No one let me take a nap tonight. Just... don't. Yell at me to get coffee instead.

On the bright side, I finished a short ficlet last night! It's the first time I've actually written in this universe, so I'm not... entirely sure what I'm doing, but I had some rainbowfic novelty beads that kind of demanded it, so. Wild Girls! Posted here if you're in rainbowfic and here if you're not (that comm is locked because I don't like posting original fic publicly, but I will immediately accept any join requests from anyone I actually recognize).

I don't have to be in my office for another couple hours, but I think today I will be editing some wiki pages annnd writing another WG ficlet. Hopefully not getting lost in wolf vidoes on YouTube again, but I can't promise anything. This month has been a complete mess, but I am slowly bouncing back.

Oh. Sure did... forget to post for a month and a half. Um. I'm not dead. And I will just update in bulletpoints, because it's easier that way.

• Visited my family in Cape Cod. Discovered I do not like Cape Cod. Or lobster. And I am kind of allergic to unacknowledged wealth and privilege and (in a more literal sense, thanks to my meds) excessive sunlight. But I didn't kill myself or my family, and did not have a freakout at any point, so I consider the trip a victory!
  
• Had to change meds because my insurance is made of crap. The antidepressant I was on was doing double duty for depression and chronic pain - the replacement antidepressant I got seems to be working fine, but the pain meds are A) not working as well and B) causing epic brainfog. Hopefully the brainfog will wear off and we can up the pain meds until they work, but blargh. I liked the drugs I had before, and I want them back.
  
• Finally gave in and made a tumblr: taibhsearachd. It is primarily MCU/Marvel 616 graphics and pictures of animals, with a smattering of things related to writing, and sometimes non-Marvel fandoms.
  
• Speaking of which, I may have developed a problem. As in a slight addiction. I HAVE ACQUIRED ALL THE COMICS AND AM WORKING MY WAY THROUGH THEM AND OH MY GOD SO MANY FEELINGS. Especially about Natasha Romanov and Rikki Barnes (...separately and in conjunction).
  
• I have a new computer, bought with (...several months early) birthday money. It is a desktop, her name is Antonia, and she is beautiful.
  
• Olivia continues to be an adorable terror. After a brief, terrifying period of growing like bamboo, I think she's finally slowed down. She's not done growing, but I no longer fear she's going to outgrow Ace by that much. We think she's probably part collie or corgi. It's all in the face, and the giant, giant ears.
  
• I has a whatawaytoburn for the month. It's pretty awesome. They are good at making coffee and giving backrubs and reminding me to eat. And being wonderful. :D

And then I fell off the face of the world again. Sorry, guys, I had another episode of sleeping almost constantly for a week, and then weird issues with vertigo and nausea and brain zaps that I'm pretty sure are related to my meds.

I'm feeling mostly better now. Sleeping normally, waking up at a reasonable time, actually getting things done. I've had the house to myself for a few days, which is nice, I get a Jae tonight, Mat comes back tomorrow, and I woke up to snow this morning! It's actually still snowing, slowly but steadily. So the world is forgiven for that week or so of unconsciousness.

Now that I am capable of staying awake long enough to put one together, here is my late holiday wishlist, if anyone is interested.

STEP ONE
☆ Make a post to your LJ/DW. The post should contain your list of ten holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related to medium to really big. The important thing is to make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
☆ If you wish for real life things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) can get in touch with you. Your home address is not required!
☆ Make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ/DW so that the holiday joy will spread.

STEP TWO
☆ Surf around your friends list to see who has posted their list. And now, here's the important part...
☆ If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true.
☆ You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf - to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not - it's your call. There are no guarantees with this project, and no strings attached. Just... wish, and it might come true. Give and you might receive. You'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

( Yes, this is late. In my defense... did I mention the unconsciousness? )

Email me for my address at taibhsearachd@gmail.com. If you want to send a secret gift, you can get my address from thatrainbow at beka@bekacavanaugh.com.

So I kept falling in and out of consciousness at random yesterday, and therefore did not write at all. Today has been more productive, but I only woke up at 7PM, so... uh... still have a lot of catching up to do. :\

Bright side, the insomnia/nightmares problem is apparently over for now. A couple of friends on Plurk suggested I put a headvoice out to guard my dreams. I have Mouse from The Dresden Files hanging around in my headspace, and if there's a better guardian of dreams, I can't think of them. I still had weird dreams - zombies and biochemical attacks and a journey into the land of the dead - but they were normal weird for me, and therefore non-traumatic.

Words Today: 1052
Total Words: 6084
Reason for stopping: Once again, I'm not actually stopping. It's just midnight. And therefore not technically "today" anymore.
Animals: Obnoxious. If they're not trying to climb into my lap, they're chasing each other around the house. They have settled down since Mat came home, though, and now he can yell at them instead of me. Hah.
Caffeine intake: One can of Coke and half a cup of coffee. But I haven't been awake that long today, so... yeah.

At the moment, I have a zombie trying to eat my main character's face, both of them trapped in a very small space with no immediate exit. Therefore, I am a happy writer and will hopefully get this chapter done before sunrise. And then keep going. I am catching up, god damn it.

thatrainbow and I went to a midnight write-in at the diner for the kickoff last night, and it was awesome. I was more social than I have been in I don't know how long, and despite our table being the chattiest and least productive, we all actually did get stuff done.

Words Today: 1856
Total Words: 1856
Reason for stopping: I was starting to hate myself and everything I was writing. Jae pointed out a break was good for my sanity.
Animals: Ace is curled up on the pillow on the floor by my desk. Michaelcat keeps wandering in and out, occasionally claiming my lap. Simba is probably exactly where he has been on the couch all day long.
Caffeine intake: Uh... six cups of coffee and a Coke. Plus one cup of coffee I didn't actually drink, because I passed out first.

This year's NaNo is going to drive me even more insane than usual. I'm shooting for 80-90k rather than 50k. This is not as crazy as it sounds, because I already have a chunk of it written - I'm just not sure how much, because I haven't yet determined how much of that needs to be rewritten due to plot changes. Yes, I am breaking all the rules and I don't care. I am finishing this book this year, god damn it.

I'm still in the prologue right now. And, uh... I might've had a mild freakout just before I stopped and started butchering stuff to move it around and, y'know, doing exactly what you are not supposed to do in NaNo, with the editing and deleting words and stuff. I came to my senses and... stopped, and will get it sorted out when I have a chance to chill out again.

I've suddenly fallen in love with a character who for years I have only been neutral toward. I still have to kill her soon. Sorry, Abby. I promise I'll give you a short story when I'm done with this book.

Wow, my body really hates being asleep at night.

I passed out around eleven, because I'm sick and going to bed at a sane time seemed like a good idea. NOPE. Woke up at 3 AM, completely unable to get back to sleep. Poked around on the internet for an hour or two, tried to go back to sleep... STILL NOT HAPPENING.

And naturally, no one is awake on the internet, and I've run out of things to entertain myself with. And it's overcast, so even watching sunrise isn't really interesting. I guess this is a sign I should work on reoutlining my NaNo or something, huh?

After coffee. Because I'm seriously going to maul something if coffee doesn't happen first.

Two weeks. TWO WEEKS (and change) until we have a house. Which still seems like forever away, but when I actually think about it in terms of weeks, I practically start vibrating with excitement.

Of course, if I think about it too long, I feel like I'm going to start crying or throw up, because I'm still half-convinced something will go wrong, and spend way too long figuring out the logistics of getting our stuff and the animals from here to the new house in a car that overheats at the drop of a hat. thatrainbow's dad is going to come up to help us acquire a new one, but we don't actually know when that is, and it may not be before we close on the house.

Also worrying about the carpets all over the house. Which is stupid, because it's not a big deal, but I desperately want that carpet pulled up, and on the other hand... do not want any delay moving in.

I just need the Earth to rotate a little faster, okay? Time is moving too damn slowly. I need it to be Friday so I can have food (and hopefully coffee) again, and then I need it to be the fifteenth so I can settle back into my life again.