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mortalcityYou know how when you get food poisoning, after you're better you get this violent aversion to whatever you ate just before?
I'm having that right now, except instead of food poisoning, it's depression. Pretty much anything I had both the energy to cook and the ability to force myself to eat when I was most depressed a couple months ago is just deeply disgusting now.
I can just barely stomach yogurt, when I have no other choice. I've got a thing of honey roasted peanuts in my bag, which should be good to snack on when I can't manage actual food, but I can't even bring myself to dig them out, never mind actually eat any. Beka got me some coffee ice cream the other day, which should be awesome, but I haven't even touched it because just looking at it turns my stomach. And I hated Hot Pockets at the best of times - now just the smell of them makes me nauseous and inexplicably angry.
I've even been weird and skittish about coffee. (Stuff from coffee shops is fine, the stuff from the coffee maker at home is the problem.) Luckily, I stopped being able to taste it when the depression got really bad, and just stopped drinking it for a while, so it doesn't have as strong a cognitive link, but I'm still strangely wary about both making and drinking it.
So I've been pretty much living on peanut butter on toast for the past week or so, but now even that's grossing me out, because a week of anything is bound to make me sick of it (this is the reason anyone offering me pizza runs a serious risk of having something thrown at their face). So basically, we're down to nothing in this house that I can stomach, and that alone is throwing me into a weird depressive funk.
I'm just going to curl up under a blanket and nest in haaaaaaet.
I'm having that right now, except instead of food poisoning, it's depression. Pretty much anything I had both the energy to cook and the ability to force myself to eat when I was most depressed a couple months ago is just deeply disgusting now.
I can just barely stomach yogurt, when I have no other choice. I've got a thing of honey roasted peanuts in my bag, which should be good to snack on when I can't manage actual food, but I can't even bring myself to dig them out, never mind actually eat any. Beka got me some coffee ice cream the other day, which should be awesome, but I haven't even touched it because just looking at it turns my stomach. And I hated Hot Pockets at the best of times - now just the smell of them makes me nauseous and inexplicably angry.
I've even been weird and skittish about coffee. (Stuff from coffee shops is fine, the stuff from the coffee maker at home is the problem.) Luckily, I stopped being able to taste it when the depression got really bad, and just stopped drinking it for a while, so it doesn't have as strong a cognitive link, but I'm still strangely wary about both making and drinking it.
So I've been pretty much living on peanut butter on toast for the past week or so, but now even that's grossing me out, because a week of anything is bound to make me sick of it (this is the reason anyone offering me pizza runs a serious risk of having something thrown at their face). So basically, we're down to nothing in this house that I can stomach, and that alone is throwing me into a weird depressive funk.
I'm just going to curl up under a blanket and nest in haaaaaaet.
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