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ysabetwordsmith
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fancakesholiosenmutrolanniI am out of cookies.
This cannot be allowed to stand.
In other news, spent this morning with a scrap fabric box that I adopted from the craft group. There were limited items that will be of use to me -- ever, if I'm honest, so I'll be looking to place the remaining contents with a group or person who will find them useful.
However! I have established that I can, indeed, embroider the titles of books legibly onto cloth, so I will be updating my Shirt of Stars (actually, I have two Starry Shirts, which emboldens me to pursue the update project) with, err, the 18? titles that are missing.
This? May take a while.
Firefly has been Very Attentive while I sorted fabric, and did a proving piece. We've been sitting quality in the living room, listening to a Sail North compilation, which has segued into I'm-not-exactly-sure-what-this-is, but it's not offensive.
Starry Shirt and Proof of Concept Below.
sheliakicontalking! ysabetwordsmith ![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
spacetimetech_feedMy happiness and moods are often progress-based. And by this, I mean that when I complete tasks, my brain rewards me with a sense of accomplishment (I have to assume it’s dopamine or whatever), and I feel (even just slightly) better than I did before. The relief of it being done is a lot of it. No more dreading doing it, etc.
I’m not bipolar, but I do sometimes get almost slightly manic higher periods of brain/physical ability, when I can get more things done. Leading to better feelings.
All of it kind of reminds me of playing a video game, when you reach certain scores, levels, or achievements, you have a sense of accomplishment. (After all, they even have those ‘gamified’ to-do apps.)
The other, perhaps ironic side of this ridiculous coin is that the severe, low energy depression I’ve struggled with for over 30 years often makes it impossible to get things done properly, some days, by sapping any energy or motivation I may have possessed.
So the more that this kind of thing happens, and the more things that end up piling up and not getting done when it does, the worse I’ll often feel. I’ll look around and see all the un-done stuff, and my brain gets even more miserable and overwhelmed. So it’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When I’m at my lowest, I’m unable to do the things that would sometimes/often give me those brief accomplishment-related dopamine boosts.
And so the cycle continues– continuing to make me feel worse and worse.
So this is what I’ve noticed, and this is why I struggle to try to get anything done, even one or two tiny things (or just one small thing), even on the worst days. Even tiny achievements are better than none at all, if you can manage it. Anything. Some way to move forward.
But there will sometimes be days when you’ll have no achievements at all. And if you’re ‘progress-based’, like me, you might feel like shit. But that’s also okay, of course, and it’s just something you’ll have to account for– and to be ready for, when it happens. And it will happen. When you least expect it.
But the days you can manage to do anything, even ONE small thing– by all means, do it. You’ll likely feel even a tiny bit better, for maybe just a tiny moment.
It all adds up.
kiya
luzulamlerules
olivermossysabetwordsmith olivermossfirebatvillain posting in bitesizedfandomsex
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Prompts/DNWs:senmutJones comes from a long line of hunters.
And there is a new prey on the ship.
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