we are not lost

Aubrey; also Birdie.
Student and writer. Polyamorous and really gay. Chronically ill.
Local queen of cait sidhe. Powered by caffeine, anxiety, and spite.
mortalcity: Meredith Grey, looking down and smiling. (GA | I just wanna be OK today)
Books are unpacked from their boxes and in my bookshelves! I still have two and a half boxes of books to go through and decide if they're staying or going, but at least those will fit in the closet while I figure it out.

cut for large-ish image )

Also, the vet gave the OK to let Ariel out of the closet and around the other animals again. He's a little freaked out about all the space he now has, the other cats are a little freaked about him, but every one of them is a big baby pushover, so I do not foresee more trouble than a few hisses while they get used to each other again.

There are people supposed to come over and set up my new desk soon (really for real this time, I hope), and once they're gone I can settle down and try to write. I am in the middle of an action sequence in FSMG, one of the first scenes I imagined when I started putting the story together, and it is hard but fun. Today is not bad so far.
mortalcity: Girl and a wolf, sleeping together in the grass. (wolves | pack animals)
Yesterday was exhausting, and yet for some reason I only slept for two hours, then woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. My sleep schedule has been wonky all week, but this is definitely the most ridiculous it has been so far.

Saw Avengers with Jae and Pat and Caroline a week ago, and thoroughly enjoyed it. I am going again today with Mat, in the middle of our regular weekly shopping and library expedition. With that on top of the Fringe season finale tonight, I might very well explode with fannish feelings, but I've accepted that.

However, that is not the primary reason for this post. I went on a secret mission yesterday. And in case you were wondering... I rarely go on secret missions that don't end in something fuzzy.

Adorableness under this cut - seriously, you should really click )

Now I'm going to try to go back to sleep, because I would like to be awake enough to not fall asleep in the theater, and actually process Fringe when it happens. Wish me luck.
mortalcity: Girl and a wolf, sleeping together in the grass. (wolves | pack animals)
So I kept falling in and out of consciousness at random yesterday, and therefore did not write at all. Today has been more productive, but I only woke up at 7PM, so... uh... still have a lot of catching up to do. :\

Bright side, the insomnia/nightmares problem is apparently over for now. A couple of friends on Plurk suggested I put a headvoice out to guard my dreams. I have Mouse from The Dresden Files hanging around in my headspace, and if there's a better guardian of dreams, I can't think of them. I still had weird dreams - zombies and biochemical attacks and a journey into the land of the dead - but they were normal weird for me, and therefore non-traumatic.

Words Today: 1052
Total Words: 6084
Reason for stopping: Once again, I'm not actually stopping. It's just midnight. And therefore not technically "today" anymore.
Animals: Obnoxious. If they're not trying to climb into my lap, they're chasing each other around the house. They have settled down since Mat came home, though, and now he can yell at them instead of me. Hah.
Caffeine intake: One can of Coke and half a cup of coffee. But I haven't been awake that long today, so... yeah.

At the moment, I have a zombie trying to eat my main character's face, both of them trapped in a very small space with no immediate exit. Therefore, I am a happy writer and will hopefully get this chapter done before sunrise. And then keep going. I am catching up, god damn it.
mortalcity: Text: "Can I assume from your total silence and blank faces that you're all with me?" (text | total silence and blank faces)
NaNo count for yesterday and today, because... it was a weird couple days. Insomnia and nightmares and... yeah. However, I'm not sleeping tonight, and am planning to hang out in the word sprints chat the whole time, so hopefully I'll make some progress tonight.

Words Today (& Yesterday): 2355
Total Words: 4211
Reason for stopping: I haven't, technically. It just ticked over to midnight, so I figured I might as well update.
Animals: Hell if I know. They were in a pile of fur on the couch last time I saw, and presumably are still there. All I care about is that they're being quiet.
Caffeine intake: A cup of coffee and one can of Coke so far today. That might be why my head hurts so much...

Abby is dead and my prologue is over. I feel like I'm doing a lot of terribly uninteresting rambling no one will care about, but there is more action in the first few chapters than there was in my last draft, so that's something. And I get to play with a zombie soon. Always something to look forward to.

...yes, I am the literary equivalent of an Irwin. GIVE ME A ZOMBIE AND I AM HAPPY. PERIOD.
mortalcity: A crow in a tree, in front of a cloud-covered moon. (corvids | were they telling me to run?)
[personal profile] thatrainbow and I went to a midnight write-in at the diner for the kickoff last night, and it was awesome. I was more social than I have been in I don't know how long, and despite our table being the chattiest and least productive, we all actually did get stuff done.

Words Today: 1856
Total Words: 1856
Reason for stopping: I was starting to hate myself and everything I was writing. Jae pointed out a break was good for my sanity.
Animals: Ace is curled up on the pillow on the floor by my desk. Michaelcat keeps wandering in and out, occasionally claiming my lap. Simba is probably exactly where he has been on the couch all day long.
Caffeine intake: Uh... six cups of coffee and a Coke. Plus one cup of coffee I didn't actually drink, because I passed out first.

This year's NaNo is going to drive me even more insane than usual. I'm shooting for 80-90k rather than 50k. This is not as crazy as it sounds, because I already have a chunk of it written - I'm just not sure how much, because I haven't yet determined how much of that needs to be rewritten due to plot changes. Yes, I am breaking all the rules and I don't care. I am finishing this book this year, god damn it.

I'm still in the prologue right now. And, uh... I might've had a mild freakout just before I stopped and started butchering stuff to move it around and, y'know, doing exactly what you are not supposed to do in NaNo, with the editing and deleting words and stuff. I came to my senses and... stopped, and will get it sorted out when I have a chance to chill out again.

I've suddenly fallen in love with a character who for years I have only been neutral toward. I still have to kill her soon. Sorry, Abby. I promise I'll give you a short story when I'm done with this book.
mortalcity: Text: "Can I assume from your total silence and blank faces that you're all with me?" (text | total silence and blank faces)
THIS WEEK HAS BEEN SO PRODUCTIVE. ...also, I'm a tiny bit drunk now, so keep that in mind if this post gets weird or rambly.

We finished painting the bedroom, and pulled up all the carpet and staples and carpetboards in there and now actually have a bedroom with a bed inside it. And all the carpet is up out of the hall and living room too, though there are still... staples and boards with spikes all over the place. That will be fixed whenever we have time which may be never, because NaNo is coming at us like a goddamn train and I am not prepared.

And our furniture got delivered, though most of it has not been put together yet. But there's a couch! And a coffee table that I put together all by myself. Oh, and also [personal profile] thatrainbow's computer came back all fixed, so I don't have to share mine anymore.

And I woke up to snow today! ...that has nothing to do with productivity, it's just awesome.

...in conclusion, have a blurry picture of Ace and Simba snuggling me and each other on our new couch.
mortalcity: Text: "Note the swirling vortex of death." (text | note the swirling vortex of death)
So, today we woke up to an open living room door. Right next to where we're sleeping, since we haven't finished painting the bedroom, so the mattrees is still out in the living room.

It must not have been open long, because Ace hadn't noticed it yet - she was still curled up on the bed with us, rather than frolicking in the street as she would be if she'd had half a chance. But both cats had already escaped, though apparently fairly recently, because when I looked out the door, I saw Michaelcat slinking around the corner.

Simba was located fairly quickly, though after I tossed him back inside, the door swung open again and I had to retrieve him a second time. Michaelcat, however, got lost. We could hear him wailing for help for a while (which he does when he gets lost, though it's usually inside the house), and then he just... stopped.

Mat found him in the backyard, where Michaelcat crouched down and waited for his mommy to save him, so. All animals are inside and safe, and both humans are okay minus a minor heart attack and mild exhaustion on my part. Though Michaelcat keeps wandering around alternately wailing about his trauma and demanding to be let out again.

This is... not the best way to start the morning. Not at all.
mortalcity: (there's a house where no-one lives...)
I am so hot and tired I want to diiiieeee... only not, because I kind of have things to do. But seriously. SO DONE WITH SUMMER.

[personal profile] thatrainbow and I went to walk around houses today with her parents. Being around her parents at all? EXHAUSTING. Walking around and being in close proximity to them for hours at a time? WAY WORSE. But I survived, and didn't bite them or say anything untoward, and they fed and caffeinated me, so it could be worse.

The house we wanted earlier ended up having too many problems with the roof and mold for [personal profile] thatrainbow's parents to approve of it, but since we were there with the realtor and the inspector anyway, we all decided to go look at a couple other houses that were open.

Cut for house rambling you may not care about... )

IN THE MEANTIME, we are looking at apartments for a few months, because not getting the first house means it is going to be even longer until we can close and actually have a house instead of just talking about it. And while it could be so much worse (as Plan B involved sleeping in our car), and Pat and Caroline are awesome, I feel bad taking over a corner of their living room, and I feel bad for the animals who don't know why they keep getting locked in crates and bedrooms and can't just wander and cuddle. (Ace is dying for love. DYYYIIING, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.) So while this is not getting resolved in the longterm for another month or two, probably, I am hoping we will have a better short term solution soon.

Other random updates:
- We got the poor puppy a bigger crate, because she can't be loose in Pat and Caroline's apartment, and she couldn't actually stand up in her old one. This one is wire, and she's deeply confused because she can see us but can't get to us. Pat and Caroline's cats are also deeply confused, because they seem to believe Ace is some kind of alien, and now they can see her clearly. But now she can actually stand up and stretch out, and I don't feel like such a horrible human being.
- At house #1, we met a tiny white stray cat. She's so small I don't think she's more than a year old, and so skinny, and there's no one and nothing in the house, so it's not like the owners are still moving and just haven't moved her yet. And she's skittish but also super affectionate, and was flirting with us so hard once she realized we wouldn't eat her. Whenever we get an apartment (oh god please soon), we are planning to swing by that house and see if she's still there. Not sure if we'd be able to keep her, but she will at least not be a sad little porch stray hanging around an empty home with no one to feed her.
- Dear christ, I need to get back to the free clinic. NEED TO. We didn't go in last Thursday because I was exhausted and would have to take the bus home and we were moving the next day. And then the car started to die, so we couldn't go Monday, or the Thursday after that. I am down to two pills of my citalopram, and I do not want to go through withdrawal. I have done that shit before, and it is unbelievably awful. Also, the counselor seemed really concerned when I mentioned my weird heart problems to him, as did the clinic coordinator, so they want me to talk to the actual doctor and then see about arranging financial aid for me to see a cardiologist or something. FUN STUFF. MY BODY IS NOW ALARMING MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS. :D
mortalcity: Olivia, alone on a pier. (Fringe | no more dreaming like a girl)
Ugh. I had to move out to the front room and away from my desk even though I really did not want to, because the bedroom is apparently no longer designed for supporting human life. It doesn't help that [personal profile] thatrainbow decided to plug in the dehumidifier last night, which proved to be a mistake, because it makes no appreciable difference in comfort level for us, and actually generates heat.

I didn't sleep much, because it was just too damn hot. I am the person who will happily sleep under a frankly scary pile of blankets and several cats if at all possible, and even the sheet was too hot. I'm dizzy and cranky, and I think it's half dehydration and half the effort of moving my crap from one room to another. I was fine until I had to wrestle with my desk chair.

At least the animals look less like they are going to wilt and die. All three of them follow me to whatever room I'm in, and that meant they were all sprawled on the bed, melting as far as I could tell. The fact that there was a slightly cooler room completely available to them did not seem to occur even to Simba, who is least clingy and has the most fur.

The cats are now sitting on windowsills looking pleased, like it was their idea to come out here and not mine. Ace is sprawled on the comforter in the middle of the floor, because I could not convince her to abandon the bedroom without something soft to lay on out here. She is a delicate princess. She is also made of Kevlar. These two facts are not contradictory at all. :|

It can be autumn any damn time now. I was never a fan of summer anyway, and this has crossed the line from somewhat annoying to actively pissing me off. WE'RE DONE WITH YOU, SUMMER. MOVE ALONG.
mortalcity: Girl and a wolf, sleeping together in the grass. (wolves | pack animals)
I just got done bathing my cat in the sink. It turns out that the demonic howls he produces when I clip his nails are nothing compared to the outraged wailing of "I AM WET AND TAKE EXTREME OFFENSE." I managed to avoid getting mauled, though I think only because I clipped his claws the other day - if he had his usual daggers still intact, I would be missing large strips of flesh right now.

...the worst part is, I'm going to have to do this again. Because I don't have the energy to bathe the dog at the same time and argh.

Well, no, that's the second worst part. The worst part is that I'm just allergic enough to cats that damp skin + cat fur is a really bad combination. I estimate about five minutes before I start trying to claw my own skin off.



Unrelated to the above (except that hopefully one day soon, I will be able to wrestle my animals in a bath instead of in a sink and a shower), [personal profile] thatrainbow and I went looking at houses on Thursday. I was not thrilled about the whole process, because I do not caaaare as long as it's not falling apart and there's a bath and preferably a room or even a large closet I could turn into an office.

However, the second house we looked at just so happened to be made of magic and rainbows and awesome, and I want it like burning. You can't see it from the street, because it's completely screened off by high bushes, and you have to walk up some stairs from the road to get to the house. It is purple and blue on the outside, and SO MANY COLORS inside. Every room is a different, awesome color. And there are two floors and three bedrooms, and a backyard that I will never go wander around in because it's super steep and full of bushes, but it could be fenced for Ace to play in, and oh god so much want.

The thing that concerns me is that Beka's father wants to rent out the third bedroom. And did not inform us of this until Friday. And... uh... no. Just no. I have no problem sharing my space with friends. There are people I would kidnap and keep in that third bedroom in a heartbeat if they would let me, because having my people available when I want them makes me a happy kitten (and that house has more than enough room for everyone to have space to themselves when they don't want people, which is also a necessity).

But I refuse to share my space with strangers. Or even non-strangers who are nevertheless not close friends. I don't care if it is spoiled and selfish, being in that close proximity with people who aren't mine is hell on my mental health and stress levels and general stability. It often means I won't come out of my room unless I am absolutely certain I'm not going to bump into anyone, I spend all my time trying not to draw attention to myself, and I get twitchy and resentful of everything. I can't do that in my own house. It is just. not. happening, even if it means we cannot have the house of awesome.

But I am still crossing my fingers and desperately hoping that it somehow works out. It would be nice to have something actually work out in my favor some time soon.