out in daylight, my potential

I had a dream I was home. I don't know where it was - not a real place, or at least not one I consciously remember. It was a little like the house in Freeville, but my brain knows that house is gone and I'm not getting it back, so it was somewhere else.

But it was a house, and it was mine, and it was quiet and safe, surrounded by trees and set back from the road. Nothing much happened in the dream. I woke up just before dawn, went outside in the blue-gray mist, watched and got cold while it started to snow heavily. I was so happy to see snow again.

And then I woke up for real and I'm in fucking Florida again and I'm pretty sure I will never really escape this place. The house we're in now is fine, but it's not ours and we don't know how long it's going to be until they tell us we have to leave (because we always do) and it's still freaking Florida.

I hate it here. I want to go home.

I just got done bathing my cat in the sink. It turns out that the demonic howls he produces when I clip his nails are nothing compared to the outraged wailing of "I AM WET AND TAKE EXTREME OFFENSE." I managed to avoid getting mauled, though I think only because I clipped his claws the other day - if he had his usual daggers still intact, I would be missing large strips of flesh right now.

...the worst part is, I'm going to have to do this again. Because I don't have the energy to bathe the dog at the same time and argh.

Well, no, that's the second worst part. The worst part is that I'm just allergic enough to cats that damp skin + cat fur is a really bad combination. I estimate about five minutes before I start trying to claw my own skin off.



Unrelated to the above (except that hopefully one day soon, I will be able to wrestle my animals in a bath instead of in a sink and a shower), thatrainbow and I went looking at houses on Thursday. I was not thrilled about the whole process, because I do not caaaare as long as it's not falling apart and there's a bath and preferably a room or even a large closet I could turn into an office.

However, the second house we looked at just so happened to be made of magic and rainbows and awesome, and I want it like burning. You can't see it from the street, because it's completely screened off by high bushes, and you have to walk up some stairs from the road to get to the house. It is purple and blue on the outside, and SO MANY COLORS inside. Every room is a different, awesome color. And there are two floors and three bedrooms, and a backyard that I will never go wander around in because it's super steep and full of bushes, but it could be fenced for Ace to play in, and oh god so much want.

The thing that concerns me is that Beka's father wants to rent out the third bedroom. And did not inform us of this until Friday. And... uh... no. Just no. I have no problem sharing my space with friends. There are people I would kidnap and keep in that third bedroom in a heartbeat if they would let me, because having my people available when I want them makes me a happy kitten (and that house has more than enough room for everyone to have space to themselves when they don't want people, which is also a necessity).

But I refuse to share my space with strangers. Or even non-strangers who are nevertheless not close friends. I don't care if it is spoiled and selfish, being in that close proximity with people who aren't mine is hell on my mental health and stress levels and general stability. It often means I won't come out of my room unless I am absolutely certain I'm not going to bump into anyone, I spend all my time trying not to draw attention to myself, and I get twitchy and resentful of everything. I can't do that in my own house. It is just. not. happening, even if it means we cannot have the house of awesome.

But I am still crossing my fingers and desperately hoping that it somehow works out. It would be nice to have something actually work out in my favor some time soon.