Just keep following the heartlines on your hand...

[mortalcity]

I don't even know how to start this post. "So I am intentionally turning my life upside down for reasons I'm not comfortable talking about. :D" ...yeah, that works.

Um... in summary, I'm hopefully, theoretically, at some point whenever I can figure out how the hell to manage it, moving out of the house and into an apartment of my own - probably in Syracuse, if I can manage it, because the cost of living is lower than in Ithaca. Mat and I are okay, I just need some space to myself and to take care of myself, and both of those are things I am never going to get here.

I have no fucking idea how I am going to do this in practice. I have no money of my own, I've never had a job in my life (and physically can't work any job that involves being on my feet), and I dropped out of school for mental health reasons and never managed to go back. And I've never lived by myself in my entire life, and I have no idea what I'm doing.

In short, I don't even know if I have any business trying to survive on my own. I feel like I'm going to fail miserably. I feel like this is going to crash and burn before I even leave the house.

But damn it, I am an adult. I deserve to live like one and be treated like one and be my own goddamn person. I want this so badly, even though it terrifies me.

Comments

[kikibug13]

I believe in you.

(And I believe in you and Mat, too. Because.)

[mortalcity]

Thank you. It means a lot to me to hear that right now. ♥

[kikibug13]

♥ Is true!

(Also, being an adult on one's own is DAMN SCARY for everyone, even without the extra issues. It doesn't mean you're weak, to be frightened.)

[finch]

If there is anything I can do to help, let me know. You're an awesome person and you deserve to succeed.

[mortalcity]

Thank you, somewhat belatedly. Hearing that means a lot to me.

[whatawaytoburn]

Oh, my darling, my darling.

I understand this. I understand this so, so much. I understand the fear of failing and the even more overwhelming need to get out. I understand the need to reclaim your adulthood and feel like a real person. I understand feeling like you should be able to do this.

But remember. You have your entire life to make this move, to aspire to this goal. You don't have to run out and do it right this second and doing so might not be the best choice. Take your time, plan ahead. Do what you need to do to get ready.

I believe in you, dear. I believe you can do it and I believe that you may need to do it, I just also believ ein a well thought out plan.

[mortalcity]

I am trying. To take my time and make plans and things, but... rrrrh. It's a problem for me - I take a while to make decisions, a lot of the time, but once I do, I'm not used to waiting around to actually follow through.

Not that I have the means to follow through at the moment. Not that I've figured out how I'm going to get the means to follow through. Which is kind of making me feel like a failure already. What if I don't ever figure it out?

[whatawaytoburn]

There are always options. Always things you can do. If you really want this, you'll figure something out. It might not be something easy or something you want to do but there will be something you can do.

And be creative, look into options you didn't think ot explore before, look into things you didn't think you could do. Try new things, try things you're scared of.

I wish I could make it easier, I wish I could tell you that it's going to be simple. I wish I could make everything perfect but I can't. I can be here for you though, okay? You know how to get in contact with me, if things start to get too overwhelming, come talk to me. I'll try and talk you through it.

You' be okay. You might not be perfect but you'll be okay. <3333

[thatrainbow]

Oh, darling, my sweet rockstar.

First off, I will help you however I can. Monetarily, I'll only be feeding myself, so I can probably spare some money every week to help you out a little until you get your feet.

Also, if you do crash and burn, you can come home, and recover, and once you're ready, you can try again. I will always support you however I can, and if it doesn't work out this time, then we'll just try again later.

And regardless, you know that you can always come home. Always. <3

[storyinmypocket]

I'm failing at being articulate at all, but here goes: I love you, and I understand why you need to do this. If there's any way I can help, I will.

Just try to remember that it's okay to be scared, and it's okay to be doing this in baby-steps. It is normal to not be awesome at being on your own right away, and so the fact that you may need help getting started doesn't mean you can't do it.

...I don't know if that made any sense. But. *all the love. all of it.*

[storyinmypocket]

Also, apparently I was subscribed to you on my writing DW, and not my personal one, because I'm an idiot. Fixed now.

[mortalcity]

It made sense. And thank you. ♥

[magistrate]

Auch. Best of luck – I'm only kinda-sort in the same boat (looking at getting a place of my own, no idea how that'll happen), and I'm scared witless, too. But you've got resources, you've got friends, you've got guts and you've got smarts. As one of my friends would say, "Leap, and build your wings on the way down."

Have you looked into freelance things? Tech writing, editing, article writing, graphics, anything like that? I have a few friends (on the opposite coast, but, y'know) who've made forays into freelance writing especially through Demand Media, and I could put out some feelers/send you what information I have. And I'm nominally affiliated with a bunch of people who are self-publishing from the Codex forums, and if you were interested in editing or cover design I could list you as a resource in the resource thread.

Let us know how it goes, and let us know if we can help.

[mortalcity]

It seems to be going around. It's good to know I'm not the only one dealing with this right now, at least...

And no, I haven't. That hadn't even occurred to me, actually. I feel like something like that might be best for me if I could make it work, but... rrrrgh. This past year or two has been so awful on a mental/creative level that I don't even know what I'm good at anymore, so I'm not sure what's actually a possibility for me right now. But I will look into it, and thank you.

[harbek]

I have faith in you and wish you the best of luck. ♥

It's important to gain some independence, to know that you can manage things on your own. But yeah, like other people have said, don't rush into it, prepare, and don't give up just because it takes you longer than you hoped it will. If you don't manage it this time, you will the next time.

Getting and keeping a job can be tough work -- not necessarily because it's all that difficult, but because you have to have the motivation to KEEP applying, and then to KEEP working. My first job I ended up being fired from because I couldn't be arsed to show up every day. It can be difficult. But even if you DO crash and burn, you'll learn from it, and you'll do better next time. It's a process.

I'm trying to find a balance between supportive and "don't do anything irrational", and it's difficult. XD You can do this, just make sure to take care of yourself in the process.

[mortalcity]

Thanks. And yeah, I really don't have any choice but to take things slowly and not do anything irrational, being effectively disabled and having no money or car or, y'know, anything that would enable me to make a rash decision. Trust me, I'm not going anywhere until I've got something figured out... somehow...