we are not lost

Aubrey; also Birdie.
Student and writer. Polyamorous and really gay. Chronically ill.
Local queen of cait sidhe. Powered by caffeine, anxiety, and spite.

May. 2nd, 2014

mortalcity: (Default)
I am at [personal profile] sharpeningthebones' house, alive and safe. I was somewhat uncertain this would happen for a while, because we basically ended up driving for 24+ hours with only a couple breaks for food. Many sections of this trip were probably unsafe, but I managed to avoid killing us or the suicidal armadillo lumbering toward my car. The blanketnest in the back came in very handy, but now it feels weird sleeping in a bed when nothing's moving.

Leaving Ace in Dallas was one of the most unpleasant experiences in my life. (Leaving Jaqui sucked too, but I have not had Jaqui with me basically every day since she fit in one of my hands. Obviously.) Still randomly bursting into tears about it, but we are getting her back in a couple months. I just feel awful that she doesn't know why we've abandoned her, and why she's not allowed inside now, and... yeah. Jaqui says she's been howling, but she'll... hopefully quiet down as she gets used to it...

Olivia misses her too. She hasn't been crying, which is what I expected, she's just gotten really quiet, and looking for Ace, and worrying we are abandoning her too every time we step out of sight. This is heartbreaking, and is also making me cry. Damn it, puppy.
mortalcity: Maya Hansen, holding a syringe to her own throat (Marvel | knowing the cost)
So while in the car, I realized that the reason I am having trouble with this novel I have spent... at least seven years bashing my head against... is that I need to do a complete rehaul of the worldbuilding.

Which I guess is not surprising, the world itself is over ten years old now and I can do better, but I just. Ugh. Why am I dumb. Why. Am I dumb.

But whatever, I know it now, I can stop hating myself for not being able to get this done and do something else about it. In a little while. Right now I'm so frustrated and annoyed at myself I think I need to put the whole world aside and poke at other things for a while.

I'll rebuild the whole thing from the ground up in a few months or so.