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mortalcityI spent most of yesterday staring blankly at my computer or the ceiling and getting nothing done. Yeah, that'd be the increased meds.
I feel a little more clear-headed today. It still requires a lot of actual effort to focus, but at least it's possible. However, on the flipside, I feel like crap physically: really bad vertigo, nausea, general weakness... I'm not sure if that's the fault of the meds or my usual issues plus (greater than usual) anemia, but it's deeply unpleasant either way.
I had weird dreams last night (or this afternoon, whatever) that involved slicing open my hands for something - or someone, rather. I can't remember what she needed my blood for, but she did, and no matter how deep I cut, it barely bled at all and wasn't enough... So that was disconcerting, and my hands feel weird now that I'm awake, and I'm kind of afraid to even look at sharp objects right now.
Really, the past few days have been a long, slow spiral into that weird, numb sort of depression. I feel useless and inadequate, I'm not good enough or smart enough for my friends or the things I want to do, and I'm just... tired of everyone, including me, pretending that's not the case. God, I am so tired.
I feel a little more clear-headed today. It still requires a lot of actual effort to focus, but at least it's possible. However, on the flipside, I feel like crap physically: really bad vertigo, nausea, general weakness... I'm not sure if that's the fault of the meds or my usual issues plus (greater than usual) anemia, but it's deeply unpleasant either way.
I had weird dreams last night (or this afternoon, whatever) that involved slicing open my hands for something - or someone, rather. I can't remember what she needed my blood for, but she did, and no matter how deep I cut, it barely bled at all and wasn't enough... So that was disconcerting, and my hands feel weird now that I'm awake, and I'm kind of afraid to even look at sharp objects right now.
Really, the past few days have been a long, slow spiral into that weird, numb sort of depression. I feel useless and inadequate, I'm not good enough or smart enough for my friends or the things I want to do, and I'm just... tired of everyone, including me, pretending that's not the case. God, I am so tired.