Honestly I feel like that's just a matter of what people you found where, because I don't think I EVER had that hard line feeling in my own personal fandom social group, and I've been in fandoms since 2002. Like, I knew they existed, but I never ran up against them myself. I actually personally found more resistance to ships/crossing shipping lines on tumblr than I did on previous sites.

I just wanted to mention that as a potentially comforting thing? It literally is about the people you surround yourself with, you can find good open-minded people on whatever platform you're on. AND given that the more open-minded situation is more the norm these days than hard lines, I think you'll have a lot of luck with that.

...just to make this more positive.