mortalcity | (no subject)

(no subject)

I really need to find something to do today that's not just being sad and repeatedly refreshing tumblr in the hopes it will distract me. It won't. Tumblr cannot save me.

I keep trying to kick myself into poking at writing things but I don't even know where to start right now. Even just messing with my bullet journal doesn't seem worth the energy. Every time I try to put on something for background noise, I get annoyed with it after a minute or two.

What the fuck do I do with myself when it feels like the world is quietly ending? I've got nothing.

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There's a quote, I think it's from the finale of Angel. (Never seen it. Just the quote, which I am mangling badly here.) He says, if you knew the world was ending, what would you do? She says, she'd keep on doing the work she's doing: helping people. Not many, and maybe not much, but she'd keep at it.

There's also the starfish story. The little kid and the beach covered in starfish that will die out of the water. Can't get enough starfish back in the ocean to make a difference to the starfish collectively. Can make a difference to that starfish, and that one, and that one.

Take care of yourself, okay? It's okay if the only person you can help is you.

This is pretty much where I'm at too. I want to do things but thinking past ohgodohgodohgod is really hard and it's making me twitchy.

If you need someone to talk to, poke me. We can maybe distract each other or something.

Write what you have, maybe? It might help just to get the feelings down on paper.

Thank you. I didn't answer the other day because I couldn't read nice/encouraging comments without crying, but I really appreciate it.

♥ I am sorry you are suffering in the pit of MORTAL TERROR too. I don't... know what kind of distraction would help or what kind of push I need to actually get things done, but thank you. If there's anything I can do to help you let me know?

I might give it a shot today. Thank you. It's hard enough breaking through the inertia and trying to make words without also dealing with... all of this. Maybe dumping it on paper will help.

Yeah, will do. My brain keeps going back and forth between "Nest in ALL the distractions' and "ohgodohgodohogodohgod".

In the end, everything is still awful though. Ugh.

*nod* Just keep taking care of yourself.

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