we are not lost

Aubrey; also Birdie.
Fantasy writer. Polyamorous and really gay. Mentally ill and disabled.
Local queen of cait sidhe. Powered by caffeine, anxiety, and spite.

mortalcity: (Hamilton | looking for a mind at work)
Hrrrm. Idk if I'm going to manage Camp NaNo this round after all. My sleep schedule's been fucked up and that has ruined every schedule that exists (because I have OCD, and the exact times matter and if I can't do things at that exact time nothing is getting done), so... not a lot of writing got done this month.

I was on schedule for, like, one glorious week, though, and in that time managed to get down an outline for this book. I need to tweak it and expand on it, but it is definitely story-shaped and not terrible! It's actually starting to look like it's going to be really fun to write, when I get there. So maybe the Camp NaNo after this one...

Only tangentially related to writing, but I came to a realization this week that kind of... broke through some of the learned helplessness about my life. And suddenly I have a plan for shit and, like, some hope that things will get better than they are, and it is strange but a really nice change.

I really need to Hamilton the shit out of a thing at some point today, and I am stalling on starting because I don't totally know what I'm doing and I'm very concerned I'm going to fuck it up... buuut I'll get over that once I've had a little more coffee. Despite the schedule fuckery, I am feeling a lot more on top of my shit than I have in a long long time.
mortalcity: Text: "There is no 'isolated self-destruction' in the word 'team'." (text | no isolated self-destruction)
Maybe some day I will stop giving basically every protagonist ever some variety of crippling anxiety. ...but it's definitely not going to happen on this story.

Plus, you know, I don't think I have a single friend who's not mentally ill in one way or another, so whatever. So what if all my characters reflect that? Like with queer characters, at a certain point I just... yeah, straight people exist in the world. So do neurotypical people. And someone else can go write stories about them, because I don't care.

(This post brought to you by a lot of second-guessing myself, because wow, Birdie, that is the third main character in a row with anxiety maybe reel it in a little there. BUT NOPE I REFUSE.)
mortalcity: Meredith Grey, looking down and smiling. (GA | I just wanna be OK today)
Books are unpacked from their boxes and in my bookshelves! I still have two and a half boxes of books to go through and decide if they're staying or going, but at least those will fit in the closet while I figure it out.

cut for large-ish image )

Also, the vet gave the OK to let Ariel out of the closet and around the other animals again. He's a little freaked out about all the space he now has, the other cats are a little freaked about him, but every one of them is a big baby pushover, so I do not foresee more trouble than a few hisses while they get used to each other again.

There are people supposed to come over and set up my new desk soon (really for real this time, I hope), and once they're gone I can settle down and try to write. I am in the middle of an action sequence in FSMG, one of the first scenes I imagined when I started putting the story together, and it is hard but fun. Today is not bad so far.
mortalcity: A flock of corvids against a pale sky (corvids | the devil counted to seven)
Small PSA for anyone who has AIM and wants to talk to me: I changed my screenname to magpietellme. You are welcome to poke me even if we haven't talked before, even if you're just lonely and bored. If I don't respond immediately, it's probably just because I wandered away or didn't notice the window flashing, not because I hate you.

[profile] thebonesofferalletters loaned me a computer, so I am not totally laptopless while mine is out. Their keyboard is so much nicer than mine. Still going to try to do some of the prompts people gave me (MAT, YOU STILL OWE ME), but I can also keep working on Faeries Stole My Girlfriend. I really need to finish the first draft this month. Seriously, it's not optional.

Feeling the compulsion to completely rewrite the first half of this fucking story. I'm not going to do it until I finish it, and at least I have an idea of where I want to go on the next draft, but ugh. This could not wait until I'm done, so I don't have to continue while everything that's wrong stares me in the face? I hate writing why do I do this.
mortalcity: A jar of silver glitter, labeled "fairy dust". (BW | faith and trust and pixie dust)
Things that I have discovered about the Faeries Stole My Girlfriend universe today:
- Fae are basically tumblr aesthetic bloggers and this is hilarious.
- I don't know how to pluralize Tuath De. I think it's Tuatha, and Tuatha feels right to me so I'm going with it, but I really don't know. (Update: I figured it out and I was right. Yay me!)
- Janet's kingdom is the Island of Misfit Toys and everything is going to be so terrible when the surrounding kingdoms realize what's going on there. I can't wait.
- I think I finally figured out the nature of fae and the whole courts thing, which I had been having a problem with for a while. [personal profile] actuallyclintbarton and [profile] thebonesofferalletters are great and I love them.

Kiiind of considering crowdfunding this in some way once I've got a few stories done and am back on meds so I can put out stories in a more timely manner? But I have no idea what I am doing on that front, and I have no kind of audience. Like, barely over 300 tumblr followers, and exactly 3 people who are actually reading this blog? So I don't know.
mortalcity: A blonde girl with a rabbit tattoo on her shoulder. (WG | a rabbit hearted girl)
Oh hey I still exist. It is a new year and this one needs to be better than the last, because another like that will kill me.

We are in a house instead of a trailer now, which is excellent, except that we are still lacking important furniture like bookshelves, neither the office or the bedroom door closes, and we are still waiting on someone to come to put curtains or blinds in the windows. My anxiety makes me feel like someone is always outside watching me at night, so that last part? Not fun.

Cut for drama and people being assholes, because not everyone wants to read that nonsense )

I am working on worldbuilding for On a Saturday (which is still being restructured, though I'm more sure of what I'm doing now) and Fairies Stole My Girlfriend, because apparently I can't write a single short story without an entire elaborate universe built up around it. (Mostly I just need to know what kind of fairy this minor character is, and a few background details about the setting my main character won't even know about in this story, but because I have to do everything from the ground up, I have to get other things in place before I can decide that. Siiiigh.)

...eventually this universe will have a slightly less ridiculous title, though I'm probably stuck with it on the wiki for the rest of time. I'm okay with that.