we are not lost

Aubrey; also Birdie.
Fantasy writer. Polyamorous and really gay. Mentally ill and disabled.
Local queen of cait sidhe. Powered by caffeine, anxiety, and spite.

mortalcity: A woman's wrist with a compass rose tattoo. (stock | keep following the heartlines)
Finally finished my application for improbable dream job and sent it in. I would have been done with it a week ago, but I was trying to get a hold of some people to acquire contact info and they were... about as useless as I have come to expect. I don't trust people anymore and these specific people are the reason. Gave up on them eventually and found alternate contacts, because fuuuuck relying on fundamentally unreliable people.

But the thing is done and I can stop stressing about it! Absolutely nothing is going to come of it, but I'm glad I got it in anyway.

And now I need to remember how words work, because I have totally failed at writing and RP stuff while dealing with this. But I don't know where to start, and if I'm being honest, all I want to do right now is play Dragon Age. Killing dragons and collecting things and knocking out quests is comforting to my neurotic completionist soul.
mortalcity: (Hamilton | looking for a mind at work)
Hrrrm. Idk if I'm going to manage Camp NaNo this round after all. My sleep schedule's been fucked up and that has ruined every schedule that exists (because I have OCD, and the exact times matter and if I can't do things at that exact time nothing is getting done), so... not a lot of writing got done this month.

I was on schedule for, like, one glorious week, though, and in that time managed to get down an outline for this book. I need to tweak it and expand on it, but it is definitely story-shaped and not terrible! It's actually starting to look like it's going to be really fun to write, when I get there. So maybe the Camp NaNo after this one...

Only tangentially related to writing, but I came to a realization this week that kind of... broke through some of the learned helplessness about my life. And suddenly I have a plan for shit and, like, some hope that things will get better than they are, and it is strange but a really nice change.

I really need to Hamilton the shit out of a thing at some point today, and I am stalling on starting because I don't totally know what I'm doing and I'm very concerned I'm going to fuck it up... buuut I'll get over that once I've had a little more coffee. Despite the schedule fuckery, I am feeling a lot more on top of my shit than I have in a long long time.
mortalcity: Girl and a wolf, sleeping together in the grass. (wolves | pack animals)
Ugh, I keep passing out stupid early every night and sleeping forever. No one let me take a nap tonight. Just... don't. Yell at me to get coffee instead.

On the bright side, I finished a short ficlet last night! It's the first time I've actually written in this universe, so I'm not... entirely sure what I'm doing, but I had some [community profile] rainbowfic novelty beads that kind of demanded it, so. Wild Girls! Posted here if you're in [community profile] rainbowfic and here if you're not (that comm is locked because I don't like posting original fic publicly, but I will immediately accept any join requests from anyone I actually recognize).

I don't have to be in my office for another couple hours, but I think today I will be editing some wiki pages annnd writing another WG ficlet. Hopefully not getting lost in wolf vidoes on YouTube again, but I can't promise anything. This month has been a complete mess, but I am slowly bouncing back.
mortalcity: Georgia Mason's press ID. (Newsflesh | rise up while you can)
Went out yesterday to see an old friend who is back in town, along with [personal profile] actuallyclintbarton, [profile] thebonesofferalletters, and [personal profile] balsamandash. Lots of fun, and weirdly like being 16 again, but totally exhausting - I came home, meant to take a nap for two or three hours maximum, and ended up sleeping forever. (I woke up for a couple hours around 4 AM, and went back to bed before 7, because nope. My body was not ready for consciousness.)

So, since I didn't get to write much yesterday, I holed up in my office today to try to make up for it. I may have spent some time lying on the floor whining about how writing is hard while Toby sat on my chest and purred, but I'm at over 800 words for the day, so it turned out well. Actually having an office again, even if it's not perfect yet, is definitely helping.

I am even ahead of schedule for [community profile] getyourwordsout! Not a huge amount, but by a comfortable margin.

A CHART! Shut up I love charts. )

Been listening to my playlists for Kilgate things while writing, and I am remembering again why I love this series. I need to figure out what I'm doing for those first two books so I can outline and actually start writing again. I am ready to go home to Kilgate now.
mortalcity: A flock of corvids against a pale sky (corvids | the devil counted to seven)
My sleep schedule is all screwed up. I've been sleeping literally all day lately, and getting nothing done as a result, and it is driving me up the wall. I don't know if I'm sick or depressed, but I'm pretty fed up with it either way.

I haven't slept at all today, but I woke up really late yesterday, so I'm just going to try to stay up until 9 or 10 PM to try to shift my schedule to something a little saner. Wish me luck.

I also really need to fucking write, because I am falling behind again. If I finish this scene, I get to start reading my Pocket Apocalypse ARC. Australian cryptids are waiting for me, so I had better hurry up and get Janet out of the freaking woods.
mortalcity: Text: "Just because you're a zombie doesn't mean you're a bad person." (zombies | because you're a zombie)
Nnnngh. I put off writing all day because someone was supposed to come over and set up my desk, and I didn't want to get all settled and then get disrupted and have to move again when they came. Eeexcept they never showed up (for the second time, without telling me either time), and suddenly it's midnight and I haven't written anything. I am cranky as hell.

On the bright side, Medicaid was applied for today. Dunno when we'll hear back, but at least it has been put in motion. So that's my one big accomplishment for the day, even though Mat ended up doing most of it because it turns out we can apply as a family instead of individually. We also need to apply for disability, but that's probably going to need to wait until we've seen doctors, so waiting on that...

And Typhoid Ariel (he of the sarcoptic mange) may be allowed out of isolation tomorrow, pending a phone call from the vet to assure us it's okay. I'm so glad. Poor baby has been in the closet for three weeks and is very lonely, and as soon as he's out I will let him sit on my lap and puncture my thighs all he likes.

So those are good things, I guess, in the middle of all my crankiness. I'm going to see if I can write a couple drabbles or something to make myself feel better. I prefer to be hitting at least 500 words a day, but I technically only need 205 to keep pace. That's doable, even this late. Deep breath, shoulders down, getting shit done.
mortalcity: Natasha Romanova, smiling slightly (Marvel | I've been compromised)
I am still alive. I am also stressed as hell, though all the shit that keeps happening has led me to a place of so much "I don't give a fuck" that I'm not flipping out about it.

The power steering in the car up and died, and we could not afford to fix it - this has mostly been worked out? Maybe-probably? People are awesome, except for Matthew's father, the actual owner of the car, who is a childish ass. Hopefully the garage will be able to fix it quickly, because we really need to find a place to live before this one gets taken away.

I am running out of meds and need to make an appointment with my new doctor, but A) I am not sure where I put that information and B) I don't want to do that until I'm sure I'll be able to get there. Ugh. At least if I do run out, the withdrawal on this isn't as awful as the last thing I was on.

I am flailing around looking for things to write. On a Saturday is in flames and will not be rebuilt until we have a more stable situation (which is fine, I got a pep talk from an awesome person about it and I am not freaking over it anymore), and until then... I don't know. I have four other verses in various stages of being built, but nothing I can actually get a story out of yet. This is really frustrating.

On a Saturday is going to be really cool when it gets put back together, though. Very different and probably hard but really really cool.