we are not lost

Aubrey; also Birdie.
Fantasy writer. Polyamorous and really gay. Mentally ill and disabled.
Local queen of cait sidhe. Powered by caffeine, anxiety, and spite.

mortalcity: Barbara Gordon, typing on a laptop with the Oracle logo. (DC | we rise once more)
Hello, everyone. I exist again. 2016 was hell for several different reasons, I couldn't write, and at a certain point talking about my life just made me sad so I drifted away from Dreamwidth. But it's a new year, I have insurance again and presumably medication soon, and I am trying to be a semi-functional adult again.

Quick intro for everyone I just added from the friending meme:

My name is Aubrey, or Birdie, whichever you prefer. I'm 28, lesbian, poly, mentally ill and physically disabled. I live in Florida (not my first or tenth or probably twentieth choice of places to live, but here I am) with my partner, [personal profile] actuallyclintbarton, and our other partner [personal profile] storyinmypocket will be moving in with us later this month!

Animals we live with include: Ace, a shepherd/pitbull mix, who is made of wrinkles and cuddles; Princess Olivia Natalia, a strange deerlike changeling child of no particular breed; the twins, Quentin and Toby, one of which is the light of my life and my daemon and has never done anything wrong ever in her life, and the other is her brother and an adorable little shit; and Ariel, who is vast and orange and not very bright. I love them all very much, even when they're terrible.

I like comics and fantasy and folklore and ancient history and tabletop rp, and I write novels and original fic. I'm going to try to talk more about all of those things, as well as lifestuff and more animal pictures, when I am actually medicated. Very soon.

Everyone who is new here, welcome to whatever this is! Everyone who's been here for a while, welcome baaack? Hi. I missed you.
mortalcity: Gwen Cooper peeking into a jail cell through a tiny opening. (TW | is it safe to come out?)
God I hate living in a house and having possessions that I will inevitably have to move yet again, this is awful and I want to stop. I'm living in the car now, I'm done.

...no I'm not that would be awful but seriously moving is also awful and I want to cry. There are things I wanted to do that I couldn't get to, my body is basically done re: standing up and moving things, and I managed to pull something around my sternum earlier so moving my arms a certain way hurts. Aaand when we get there everything is going to need to be unpacked again.

I hate. So much. About the way my life is right now.

On the bright side, Mat went over last night to drop off Morrigan (because she's going to be the most stressed out by all of this), and took the opportunity to draw things on the chalkboards that came with the house.

cut because slightly large images )

So that makes me feel slightly better. I just want to be done. For at least a year, preferably more. Fuck this, I'm only doing it again when I can use it to escape Florida.
mortalcity: Meredith Grey, looking down and smiling. (GA | I just wanna be OK today)
Books are unpacked from their boxes and in my bookshelves! I still have two and a half boxes of books to go through and decide if they're staying or going, but at least those will fit in the closet while I figure it out.

cut for large-ish image )

Also, the vet gave the OK to let Ariel out of the closet and around the other animals again. He's a little freaked out about all the space he now has, the other cats are a little freaked about him, but every one of them is a big baby pushover, so I do not foresee more trouble than a few hisses while they get used to each other again.

There are people supposed to come over and set up my new desk soon (really for real this time, I hope), and once they're gone I can settle down and try to write. I am in the middle of an action sequence in FSMG, one of the first scenes I imagined when I started putting the story together, and it is hard but fun. Today is not bad so far.
mortalcity: A woman's wrist with a compass rose tattoo. (stock | keep following the heartlines)
Nnnngh. This past week has been a constant cycle of "wake up certain I'm finally over my cold, utterly fail at focusing on anything, get smacked in the face with exhaustion, fall into bed ridiculously early." Oooover and over and over.

Anyway. I got a tattoo on Friday, and it was awesome! I kind of almost fainted about halfway through, but I think it was mostly the adrenaline from getting myself all worked up beforehand - the actual tattooing wasn't so bad and didn't hurt very much, and the endorphins afterward were very nice.

Pictures and rambling below the cut. )
mortalcity: Olivia Dunham. Text, handwritten: "You're gonna be fine." (Fringe | you're gonna be fine)
The universe finally remembered it's winter! Yesterday was heavy snow from sunrise to sunset, and it's been snowing on and off today as well, and all is right in the world again.

I am also alarmingly cheerful about everything, if you hadn't already gathered that much. This is probably a result of the heart meds continuing to work, and every single day I notice something new that feels like a goddamn miracle. I actually have an appetite again, and don't have to be reminded to eat more than once a day. I don't hurt as much in random places for no good reason. I'm so much less tired than I'm used to - I've been waking up on my own, after eight hours, and happily rolling right out of bed, and I'm not groggy and exhausted all day long.

I can do anything I want - go grocery shopping, do the dishes, put together some drawers, bake cookies, take the dog out, or even some magical combination of all these things - and not have to weigh how much I want to do it against how much I want to not feel like crap for the rest of the day. Yesterday I went out in the world and was on my feet almost the entire time, and though I got a little dizzy toward the end, I was fine again after sitting down for a little while.

Best of all, I feel like I can think more clearly now. That thick fog I've been fighting through every time I try to do anything creative is lifting, I think, and it's been there so long I forgot what it's like without it. Even out of practice as I am, writing is fun again, not something that brings me to tears.

Everything is just so easy now, and I'm both ecstatic and terrified something's going to take it away from me. I like feeling like this. I like feeling like a person again, and I want to stay this way.

Iiiin other news, I got a box fulla awesome from [personal profile] magistrate, including, among other things, a stuffed Yersinia Pestis, a book of Russian mythology, and a camera! Best addition to an awesome day. Thank you, magi! ♥

...and I have no idea how to close this post, so have a picture of my adorable boppy I took to test the camera. )
mortalcity: Alt!Olivia, looking over her shoulder. Text: "there's more than one of everything." (Fringe | more than one of everything)
Blargh. I am both ridiculously stressed out by this whole LJ debacle, and desperately hoping this is what finally kicks at least some of LJRP into moving over to DW. Especially the games I'm in and the one I'm planning on joining. Fingers crossed and all that.

In the meantime, HI, PEOPLE NEW TO DREAMWIDTH. I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

Happy things: Mat brought me a present from [personal profile] whatawaytoburn when he came home. He also brought me fuzzy socks.

LOOK AT THE SHINY. )

Also, I made pumpkin biscotti today, and it tastes like amazing and victory. And I still have enough pumpkin to make more! Next time I think I will try it with chocolate chips. And a (non-pumpkin) batch with cranberries and almonds.

I have a feeling I will need to make a billion batches, because I never want to stop eating them. You're supposed to leave them for a day or so, so they'll get crunchy, but I don't have the patience for that. Want pumpkiny deliciousness NOW. In fact, I am going to go make coffee and grab another piece of biscotti right now. :|
mortalcity: Text: "Can I assume from your total silence and blank faces that you're all with me?" (text | total silence and blank faces)
THIS WEEK HAS BEEN SO PRODUCTIVE. ...also, I'm a tiny bit drunk now, so keep that in mind if this post gets weird or rambly.

We finished painting the bedroom, and pulled up all the carpet and staples and carpetboards in there and now actually have a bedroom with a bed inside it. And all the carpet is up out of the hall and living room too, though there are still... staples and boards with spikes all over the place. That will be fixed whenever we have time which may be never, because NaNo is coming at us like a goddamn train and I am not prepared.

And our furniture got delivered, though most of it has not been put together yet. But there's a couch! And a coffee table that I put together all by myself. Oh, and also [personal profile] thatrainbow's computer came back all fixed, so I don't have to share mine anymore.

And I woke up to snow today! ...that has nothing to do with productivity, it's just awesome.

...in conclusion, have a blurry picture of Ace and Simba snuggling me and each other on our new couch.
mortalcity: A wolf peeking around autumn leaves. (wolves | truth so deep within the wood)
Yesterday was my birthday, and I actually managed to avoid being kicked in the face by my birthday curse. (Don't ask, but it exists.) I still didn't leave the house, because I really don't want to tempt fate that much, but [personal profile] thatrainbow and several other people wished me happy birthday, and nothing bad happened. It was magical.

Mat made me breakfast and dinner, and we put two coats of paint on the trim in the bedroom (well... Mat painted. I taped.) so it is almost done, and there was wine and brownies (and vodka the night before) and it was basically the best birthday I have had in very a long time.

In other news:
  • Jae thinks the increased dose of drugs is helping. Now that the awful brainfuzzing side effects have mostly worn off, I have to agree with her that I am definitely perkier the past few days (although I disagree with her word choice there - I would like to think I don't do perky).

  • There has been an orange ninja in my yard on a few seperate occasions, but given that my yard was A) full of cover for small furry animals and B) full of orange, it was kind of hard to identify it. The recent windstorm helped a little with both of those things, and today I actually got a good enough look to see that it's a gorgeous orange and white tom cat.
    I went outside to try and say hello, and he looked like he was considering coming over to meet me, but then something (I think one of the neighbor's dogs) spooked him and he took off. Because I am a sucker for furry things and the weather's been bad lately, I left the door to one of the sheds propped open, and a bowl of cat food in the floor in the shed. Just in case he needs it.

  • I am starting to think maybe we should turn that shed into a chicken coop instead of going and building a whole new structure when we're ready for chickens. Mat wanting it for a painting and recording studio, but the garage has electricity and plenty of space for that plus the car once we actually get our stuff out of there and into the house and/or the storage shed. CHIKKINZ.

  • I am going to start making lists of things I did every day. Because I tend to overload to do lists and then feel like a complete failure for not being superhuman. So maybe the other way around will work better for me.

    Today I: )