we are not lost

Aubrey; also Birdie.
Fantasy writer. Polyamorous and really gay. Mentally ill and disabled.
Local queen of cait sidhe. Powered by caffeine, anxiety, and spite.

mortalcity: A flock of corvids against a pale sky (corvids | the devil counted to seven)
The last month, in summary: generally crap. Got derailed from writing for a while because of breakup drama, struggled with RP things because of reasons. Basically, February can go to hell.

Except for the Hamilton bootleg. That part was not so terrible.

Word Count: 12327 (with RP); 2755 (without RP). ....like I said, not great.
Stories Written: This one WG ficlet is all I finished; a couple of other things slowly getting added to that I will finish eventually.
Reading: A lot of Animorphs, currently paused at #25 while I wait for [personal profile] actuallyclintbarton to catch up with me; The Sleeping Beauty by Mercedes Lackey, because I like to read silly fluffy fantasy when I am sad.




This month: writing again! Actually finishing some goddamn fics. Figuring out what the hell I am doing with my larger projects. Burying myself in work in an attempt to distract myself from overwhelming anxiety about my living situation, once again.

Month goals, for accountability reasons )
mortalcity: Olivia Dunham. Text, handwritten: "You're gonna be fine." (Fringe | you're gonna be fine)
I have wasted this entire week trying to acquire blood test results so I can start getting treatment for what may be the entire reason behind all my physical problems. I have failed. For the entire week. Literally all I need is for them to print some shit out, so it shouldn't be so hard, and yet.

I guess just giving me the test results before I left the ER would have been too easy?

At least they're closed today and tomorrow so I get to rest for a couple days before going to bash my head against that wall again on Monday. I swear if they give me any trouble I'm going to cry. Right there in their office.

...so yes things that have happened in the two months since I last posted:
- A few depressive downswings, which is why I haven't posted in two months, I'm sorry, I still live.
- A visit to the ER because we thought I might have had a heart attack (I didn't, but we have no idea what happened other than that it wasn't a panic attack).
- Morrigan is not pregnant, and was just having a false pregnancy. I can't say I am disappointed about this. She is now buddies with the other cats and the biggest troublemaker in the house, who loves to start racing around the house just when we are trying to sleep.
- We rescued and adopted out an eight-week-old kitten who randomly wandered up to our house. She was precious but annoying as hell and I am glad we found her a family so quickly because dear god I don't have the energy for kittens rn.
- None of my pets died on the anniversary of Simba's death, which was a nice surprise for my anxiety. My sister's cat who lived with my grandparents did, but he was like seventeen so this was not surprising.
- I started writing a story that was originally for an anthology but that deadline has passed and idk what I'm going to do with it because it is going to be kind of long for most publishers? But I'm in love with it, so still working on it between meltdowns. Not this week. This week is just Too Much.

I will now attempt to catch up on my reading list until I get frustrated and give up. Please inform me of anything important that has happened in your lives that I may have missed.
mortalcity: A wolf peeking around autumn leaves. (wolves | truth so deep within the wood)
Yesterday was my birthday, and I actually managed to avoid being kicked in the face by my birthday curse. (Don't ask, but it exists.) I still didn't leave the house, because I really don't want to tempt fate that much, but [personal profile] thatrainbow and several other people wished me happy birthday, and nothing bad happened. It was magical.

Mat made me breakfast and dinner, and we put two coats of paint on the trim in the bedroom (well... Mat painted. I taped.) so it is almost done, and there was wine and brownies (and vodka the night before) and it was basically the best birthday I have had in very a long time.

In other news:
  • Jae thinks the increased dose of drugs is helping. Now that the awful brainfuzzing side effects have mostly worn off, I have to agree with her that I am definitely perkier the past few days (although I disagree with her word choice there - I would like to think I don't do perky).

  • There has been an orange ninja in my yard on a few seperate occasions, but given that my yard was A) full of cover for small furry animals and B) full of orange, it was kind of hard to identify it. The recent windstorm helped a little with both of those things, and today I actually got a good enough look to see that it's a gorgeous orange and white tom cat.
    I went outside to try and say hello, and he looked like he was considering coming over to meet me, but then something (I think one of the neighbor's dogs) spooked him and he took off. Because I am a sucker for furry things and the weather's been bad lately, I left the door to one of the sheds propped open, and a bowl of cat food in the floor in the shed. Just in case he needs it.

  • I am starting to think maybe we should turn that shed into a chicken coop instead of going and building a whole new structure when we're ready for chickens. Mat wanting it for a painting and recording studio, but the garage has electricity and plenty of space for that plus the car once we actually get our stuff out of there and into the house and/or the storage shed. CHIKKINZ.

  • I am going to start making lists of things I did every day. Because I tend to overload to do lists and then feel like a complete failure for not being superhuman. So maybe the other way around will work better for me.

    Today I: )
mortalcity: (Default)
  • I am so tired. My eyes burn when I blink, and yet I can't actually sleep when I try to. Also, it's fucking freezing, and this is just adding to my desire to hibernate, and my frustration when I can't. I know I asked the universe to make it autumn instead of summer, and I appreciate that it complied, but... I meant a slightly warmer autumn. At least until I get my coats out of storage.

  • RP and writing stuff under a cut, because it got long, and the lists started nesting... )

  • The house is ours. The closing was this morning, the keys are in my bag, and we own a house. ...well, technically [personal profile] thatrainbow's parents own it (and are paying for all our utilities and landscaping and crap too), but this is actually preferable to us owning it in my mind (at least for the time being). It means we don't have to pay the taxes.

    We can't move in until next weekend, because our car would not make it to the house without dying, so we need to wait until the parental people get here to get us a new car. The front yard still needs to be fenced for Ace. The carpets need to be pulled up, and we need to paint a little (just the trim on the inside - the outside is fine). We won't have internet there until a week from tomorrow anyway. But I want to move in now, damn it.
mortalcity: Text: "Note the swirling vortex of death." (text | note the swirling vortex of death)
Ohgodmylifewhyyyy.

I am running on no sleep. And either I have forgotten what packing is usually like in the past two years, or it is just more hellish than usual this time. It's not like this is the first time we waited until the absolute last minute to get started. WHY SO HARD NOW.

...of course, my body hated me a lot less the last time we moved. And I wasn't going on two months of hellish insomnia. That might have something to do with it. Still.

Current status:
- Books all packed (except for the ones under the bed, because I can't GET to them right now).
- Clothes almost definitely entirely packed. I am fairly sure of this, because I had trouble finding a shirt when I realized I'd... neglected to leave one out to wear.
- Kitchen... mostly packed, I think. Everything I want is out of the upper cabinets, I just have to check the ones under the sink and the drawers.
- Desk still a disaster zone.
- Notebooks need to be sorted into ones I need in the next month or so, and ones I can shove in storage.
- Bag for notebooks need to be located. Probably going to be the Blue Sun bag, because my backpack has gone missing. Terribly mysterious.
- Cabinets and drawers in the living room need to be doublechecked for things I care about.
- Furniture needs to be dissassembled and... stuff (bed, two tables, and... actually, I don't think the desk comes apart).
- Bathroom needs to be searched for anything I care about.
- Various files need to be moved from Gwen to my external. And then I need to find something to DO with Gwen. I don't think I have a free bag for her. CRAP.
- Pet supplies need to be organized and put in one place.
- All three pets need to be bathed. This is the point at which I will probably break down and cry, if I haven't gotten there yet.

I'm just... staring blankly at the computer at this point. Need to get up the motivation and energy to go back to the kitchen. Can't.

EDIT: Out of tape. Send help. And by help, I don't mean more tape (though that would be nice). I mean, like, helicopters. Possibly snipers. ...I don't know what good that will do, but it would probably make me feel better. Or at least distract me.