we are not lost

Aubrey; also Birdie.
Fantasy writer. Polyamorous and really gay. Mentally ill and disabled.
Local queen of cait sidhe. Powered by caffeine, anxiety, and spite.

mortalcity: A flock of corvids against a pale sky (corvids | the devil counted to seven)
The last month, in summary: generally crap. Got derailed from writing for a while because of breakup drama, struggled with RP things because of reasons. Basically, February can go to hell.

Except for the Hamilton bootleg. That part was not so terrible.

Word Count: 12327 (with RP); 2755 (without RP). ....like I said, not great.
Stories Written: This one WG ficlet is all I finished; a couple of other things slowly getting added to that I will finish eventually.
Reading: A lot of Animorphs, currently paused at #25 while I wait for [personal profile] actuallyclintbarton to catch up with me; The Sleeping Beauty by Mercedes Lackey, because I like to read silly fluffy fantasy when I am sad.

This month: writing again! Actually finishing some goddamn fics. Figuring out what the hell I am doing with my larger projects. Burying myself in work in an attempt to distract myself from overwhelming anxiety about my living situation, once again.

Month goals, for accountability reasons )
mortalcity: A flock of corvids against a pale sky (corvids | the devil counted to seven)
My sleep schedule is all screwed up. I've been sleeping literally all day lately, and getting nothing done as a result, and it is driving me up the wall. I don't know if I'm sick or depressed, but I'm pretty fed up with it either way.

I haven't slept at all today, but I woke up really late yesterday, so I'm just going to try to stay up until 9 or 10 PM to try to shift my schedule to something a little saner. Wish me luck.

I also really need to fucking write, because I am falling behind again. If I finish this scene, I get to start reading my Pocket Apocalypse ARC. Australian cryptids are waiting for me, so I had better hurry up and get Janet out of the freaking woods.
mortalcity: A girl standing under a streetlight in a snowy park. (BW | they say you should not wander)
And then I fell off the face of the world again. Sorry, guys, I had another episode of sleeping almost constantly for a week, and then weird issues with vertigo and nausea and brain zaps that I'm pretty sure are related to my meds.

I'm feeling mostly better now. Sleeping normally, waking up at a reasonable time, actually getting things done. I've had the house to myself for a few days, which is nice, I get a Jae tonight, Mat comes back tomorrow, and I woke up to snow this morning! It's actually still snowing, slowly but steadily. So the world is forgiven for that week or so of unconsciousness.

Now that I am capable of staying awake long enough to put one together, here is my late holiday wishlist, if anyone is interested.

☆ Make a post to your LJ/DW. The post should contain your list of ten holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related to medium to really big. The important thing is to make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
☆ If you wish for real life things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) can get in touch with you. Your home address is not required!
☆ Make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ/DW so that the holiday joy will spread.

☆ Surf around your friends list to see who has posted their list. And now, here's the important part...
☆ If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true.
☆ You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf - to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not - it's your call. There are no guarantees with this project, and no strings attached. Just... wish, and it might come true. Give and you might receive. You'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

Yes, this is late. In my defense... did I mention the unconsciousness? )

Email me for my address at taibhsearachd@gmail.com. If you want to send a secret gift, you can get my address from [personal profile] thatrainbow at beka@bekacavanaugh.com.
mortalcity: A wolf peeking around autumn leaves. (wolves | truth so deep within the wood)
I am back from Darkover, and did not die.

The entire trip was wonderful, including the trip down and back - despite accidentally blowing past our exit by, like, an hour on the way down, which led to being on the road for hours longer than we meant to. I think we gave the Garmin a nervous breakdown a couple times.

And rolling down all the windows, blasting "Star-Spangled Man" and singing along at the top of our lungs? BEST. THING. EVER. Seriously, you should try it some time.

The actual con was fantastic too. The panels I went to were fun and interesting (and occasionally rage-inducing - there was one where Jae and I sat clutching at each other's legs and hands and trying not to snarl at one particular panelist), I got to meet a bunch of awesome people and hang with the awesome people I already knew, and we all managed to not kill each other.

A lovely woman saw me walking with a cane and just gave me this beautiful hand-made cane someone had given her that wasn't quite working for her. I love this cane. It's like it was made for me, and I've been fondling and cuddling it all weekend.

And there was a woman at the con with a Caucasian ovtcharka that was a mobility service dog for her balance issues (which from her brief description sound a lot like mine) and you guys. That is my dream dog, including the service dog part, and talking to her made me think I might actually be able to make that work for me some day. Of course, first I'd have to be able to afford to feed a dog that big, never mind figure out where to acquire one, but some day.

...anyway, yeah. Con was awesome. Downside is that now I am totally worn the fuck out, and have no emotional energy or patience for humans or the world in general, and have been getting snarly at the simple fact that other humans exist where I can hear them how dare they. Including Mat. Which makes me feel like an awful person, but is not making the reaction go away.

Hermiting for a week is not unlikely. Which is just as well, because I feel like writing all the things now. I figured out something about the first angel book on the drive down, and some of the panels made some things click about a universe I just recently started poking at, but I need so much more research on that, and I need to go back to (re)writing the first DMA book and oh god how do I even...