we are not lost

Aubrey; also Birdie.
Fantasy writer. Polyamorous and really gay. Mentally ill and disabled.
Local queen of cait sidhe. Powered by caffeine, anxiety, and spite.

Jan. 17th, 2016 05:17 am

Brain WHY.

mortalcity: A barred door with the words "don't open, dead inside" painted on (zombies | dead inside)
[personal profile] mortalcity
I have been having a lot of weird fucking anxiety dreams lately.

...a lot of them involve airports and airplanes, because apparently after a couple months of having to fly places, my brain has decided that is the most stressful thing ever. One involved trying to shove an ever-growing pile of stuffed animals into two bags which then had to fit into an overhead compartment; every time I turned around, there were more goddamn stuffed animals, and at one point someone gave me their gun to look after (???) and... yeah. In another dream, I went to the airport, but somehow managed to forget both my ID and my bags, but ended up with some random stranger's ID and phone, and it was very important that I get it back to them , and I woke up stressy and angry.

Aaaaand then there's the recurring dream I keep having that... I don't know if I can classify it as an anxiety dream, but it's about as persistent. It reminds me of those ghost games like One-Man Hide and Seek? There's this abandoned decaying giant house and this list of ridiculously complicated steps I have to go through to perform this bizarre ritual I don't know the point of, and I don't know why I actually start trying to do the thing every time, but I do. One step involves leaving a plate of raw meat for something I can't see but am positive is in the room with me. It's fucking great and not terrifying at all.

I am actually a little concerned about what happens if I ever manage to finish the ritual before I wake up... but on the other hand, there's a good chance my brain will just keep adding tasks to infinity so there is no end. I would really just like my brain to find something new to fixate on, because this is not fun.

...so I'm not sleeping tonight. It is not a direct result of this nonsense, but not totally unrelated either.
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