[sticky entry] Sticky: Current Projects

Mar. 13th, 2015 05:51 pm
mortalcity: (text | keyboard makes me their god)
Active Projects: On a Saturday, Faeries Stole My Girlfriend, Meet Me In the Sky
Inactive/Under Construction: Ever After Wood, Prometheus' Children, Wild Girls

Such write. Very fiction. Wow. )
mortalcity: Maya Hansen, holding a syringe to her own throat (Marvel | knowing the cost)
So April was a mess thanks to a combination of still not being over that shitty thing my best friend did to me, my meds suddenly dropping off in effectiveness, and actually running out of meds for a while before I could see the doctor for a refill. It was not good, but my meds are back at a higher dosage, I'm slowly feeling better, and we will not speak of this April again.

I'm kind of... staring at everything I abandoned for a month, trying to figure out how to get a handle on any of it again. I don't even know what I want to deal with rn. Outlining? Worldbuilding? Screwing around with short ficlets untiL I remember how to put words together? Goal-setting is hard and I don't have energy for it, but I kind of... need to... anyway.

(I do need to find my inner Hamilton again and write another letter by the 20th, but that will only take a day, so I have some time to get around to that. Other than that... ehhhh. I don't know.)
mortalcity: A woman's wrist with a compass rose tattoo. (stock | keep following the heartlines)
Finally finished my application for improbable dream job and sent it in. I would have been done with it a week ago, but I was trying to get a hold of some people to acquire contact info and they were... about as useless as I have come to expect. I don't trust people anymore and these specific people are the reason. Gave up on them eventually and found alternate contacts, because fuuuuck relying on fundamentally unreliable people.

But the thing is done and I can stop stressing about it! Absolutely nothing is going to come of it, but I'm glad I got it in anyway.

And now I need to remember how words work, because I have totally failed at writing and RP stuff while dealing with this. But I don't know where to start, and if I'm being honest, all I want to do right now is play Dragon Age. Killing dragons and collecting things and knocking out quests is comforting to my neurotic completionist soul.
mortalcity: (Hamilton | looking for a mind at work)
Hrrrm. Idk if I'm going to manage Camp NaNo this round after all. My sleep schedule's been fucked up and that has ruined every schedule that exists (because I have OCD, and the exact times matter and if I can't do things at that exact time nothing is getting done), so... not a lot of writing got done this month.

I was on schedule for, like, one glorious week, though, and in that time managed to get down an outline for this book. I need to tweak it and expand on it, but it is definitely story-shaped and not terrible! It's actually starting to look like it's going to be really fun to write, when I get there. So maybe the Camp NaNo after this one...

Only tangentially related to writing, but I came to a realization this week that kind of... broke through some of the learned helplessness about my life. And suddenly I have a plan for shit and, like, some hope that things will get better than they are, and it is strange but a really nice change.

I really need to Hamilton the shit out of a thing at some point today, and I am stalling on starting because I don't totally know what I'm doing and I'm very concerned I'm going to fuck it up... buuut I'll get over that once I've had a little more coffee. Despite the schedule fuckery, I am feeling a lot more on top of my shit than I have in a long long time.
mortalcity: A barred door with the words "don't open, dead inside" painted on (zombies | dead inside)
Things I did not accomplish yesterday:
- ...writing
- Taking my meds? Maybe? I'm actually not sure.

Things I did accomplish yesterday:
- Painting my nails a really nice Angelica Schuyler copper
- Somehow finishing Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts with full court approval and forcing all three leaders to stop being children and work together (I didn't even know that was possible but it was great! I did it with an elf mage too!)
- So many tags

It is not what I wanted, but I will take it. But seriously, writing today. And so many caffeine pills. Why am I so fucking tired this week? I am running alarmingly low on caffeine pills.
mortalcity: Text: "There is no 'isolated self-destruction' in the word 'team'." (text | no isolated self-destruction)
Maybe some day I will stop giving basically every protagonist ever some variety of crippling anxiety. ...but it's definitely not going to happen on this story.

Plus, you know, I don't think I have a single friend who's not mentally ill in one way or another, so whatever. So what if all my characters reflect that? Like with queer characters, at a certain point I just... yeah, straight people exist in the world. So do neurotypical people. And someone else can go write stories about them, because I don't care.

(This post brought to you by a lot of second-guessing myself, because wow, Birdie, that is the third main character in a row with anxiety maybe reel it in a little there. BUT NOPE I REFUSE.)
mortalcity: A painted rock. It has a face with its tongue sticking out. It knows things. (OtGW | that's a rock fact)
Urgh. I had to take some anxiety meds before I went to bed last night - double the tiny amount I usually take because I wasn't calming the fuck down fast enough - and I woke up with the worst headache, because I can never drink enough water to compensate for the meds dehydrating me. This on top of the mundane but annoying hallucinations before I fell asleep (it... went kind of like this), really vivid nightmares, and sleeping through my alarm.

On the bright side, I actually finished a thing last night! By... bribing myself with a nap if I wrote words fast enough, and boy it worked. I'll take it, I guess. So... cleaning that up and posting it to [community profile] rainbowfic, while I try to figure out what I'm working on next.

I should probably finish any one of the half-finished things sitting on my Google Drive, but... ugghhh...
mortalcity: A flock of corvids against a pale sky (corvids | the devil counted to seven)
The last month, in summary: generally crap. Got derailed from writing for a while because of breakup drama, struggled with RP things because of reasons. Basically, February can go to hell.

Except for the Hamilton bootleg. That part was not so terrible.

Word Count: 12327 (with RP); 2755 (without RP). ....like I said, not great.
Stories Written: This one WG ficlet is all I finished; a couple of other things slowly getting added to that I will finish eventually.
Reading: A lot of Animorphs, currently paused at #25 while I wait for [personal profile] actuallyclintbarton to catch up with me; The Sleeping Beauty by Mercedes Lackey, because I like to read silly fluffy fantasy when I am sad.

This month: writing again! Actually finishing some goddamn fics. Figuring out what the hell I am doing with my larger projects. Burying myself in work in an attempt to distract myself from overwhelming anxiety about my living situation, once again.

Month goals, for accountability reasons )
mortalcity: Girl and a wolf, sleeping together in the grass. (wolves | pack animals)
Ugh, I keep passing out stupid early every night and sleeping forever. No one let me take a nap tonight. Just... don't. Yell at me to get coffee instead.

On the bright side, I finished a short ficlet last night! It's the first time I've actually written in this universe, so I'm not... entirely sure what I'm doing, but I had some [community profile] rainbowfic novelty beads that kind of demanded it, so. Wild Girls! Posted here if you're in [community profile] rainbowfic and here if you're not (that comm is locked because I don't like posting original fic publicly, but I will immediately accept any join requests from anyone I actually recognize).

I don't have to be in my office for another couple hours, but I think today I will be editing some wiki pages annnd writing another WG ficlet. Hopefully not getting lost in wolf vidoes on YouTube again, but I can't promise anything. This month has been a complete mess, but I am slowly bouncing back.
mortalcity: Barbara Gordon, typing on a laptop with the Oracle logo. (DC | we rise once more)
Still alive, struggling my way back to productivity, not much to say otherwise. Have some cat pictures instead.

Cut for large-ish photos )
mortalcity: (Hamilton | looking for a mind at work)
On a completely different note. Posting writing goals for the month, because [personal profile] thebonesofferalletters did it and it seemed like a good idea.

  • [community profile] rainbowfic Stuff
    • Write 2500 words for the comm Not quite, but close enough to count
    • Actually finish two or three fics (minimum...) I finished... one
    • Finish prism (+ prism saturation because I'm a masochist)

  • Wiki Stuff
    • Put together the egregore page
    • Add a few more DMA character pages

  • RP Stuff

...I feel like there's something important I'm forgetting here, but whatever. I'll come back and edit it in if I think of it.
mortalcity: A giant bulldog followed by a tiny black raincloud. Raindog has had enough. (OtGW | well. that's enough.)
I let doctors take my blood today and now I am suffering.

My heart's beating too fast in an attempt to compensate for my shitty blood pressure, which my brain of course is interpreting as anxiety, I am starving and nauseous at the same time, and I can't stand up without the whole world trying to tip sideways. And this is after a burger and a milkshake and a nap.

On the bright side, the lab tech who took my blood was very good at her job despite my tragically low blood pressure making veins difficult to find. My arm doesn't hurt and I can't even see the mark. So there's that.

I need a hug. And probably some more flesh to consume.
mortalcity: Maya Hansen, holding a syringe to her own throat (Marvel | knowing the cost)
Could not sleep or write because for some reason my brain would not stop screaming.

Finally talked myself into taking an anxiety pill, because I realized I had locked myself in my office for no reason (no one else is awake right now) and the internal screaming seemed likely to turn external before long.

...aaand of course, even though I only took a tiny fraction of a pill, the second it actually hits me, it's like this bank of fog just rolled into my brain. So I'm calmer, but also not writing under these circumstances.

I'm going the hell back to bed. To nap, or at least lay in the dark and read Animorphs. Whichever my brain will tolerate. Mrrph.

I'm writing when I get up, though. Anxiety doesn't get to win this time.
mortalcity: Girl lying on the sidewalk, with wings drawn in chalk underneath her. (angels | this is to New York City angels)
Fics are arranged in roughly chronological order, not in the order in which they were posted.

On a Saturday (Kilgate) )

On a Saturday (Angels) )

Wild Girls )

Brain WHY.

Jan. 17th, 2016 05:17 am
mortalcity: A barred door with the words "don't open, dead inside" painted on (zombies | dead inside)
I have been having a lot of weird fucking anxiety dreams lately.

Cut because other people's dreams are boring )

...so I'm not sleeping tonight. It is not a direct result of this nonsense, but not totally unrelated either.


Jan. 15th, 2016 07:09 pm
mortalcity: Clint Barton carrying Kate Bishop, as she fires an arrow over his shoulder (Marvel | constant state of crisis)
This is less a proper update and more your periodic confirmation that I am still alive. I am very tired, my sleep schedule is broken, and I lost basically the last two weeks to this massive pile of disability paperwork that came in the mail all at once. I finished the thing, though, and only freaked out a little, so there's... that...

I have also been playing a lot of Pokemon and made significant progress on my Pokedex, which I am determined to complete for the first time ever. These are my accomplishments lately. I'll take it, I guess.

I really need to find something to write some drabbles about while I sort out the structure of longer writing-things. Where are ideas? Someone help me out here.
mortalcity: Two people sitting on a hill, looking at a darkening sky with stars. (stock | with your face all full of stars)
I spent basically all day today syncing stuff off my old dying desktop, setting up my shiny brand new computer (a winter gift from [personal profile] actuallyclintbarton, which I really don't deserve but is amazing and deeply appreciated), and setting up my bullet journal for the next month and the new year. That last one took... way longer than expected, but I feel a lot more like I got my shit together now.

New computer is named Eliza, and will hopefully be as reliable and long-lived as her namesake. She is perfect and I love her.

I signed up for [community profile] getyourwordsout again for the next year, this time for the next level up. My word count this year came out to 137,056 (give or take anything I write in the next... hour or so) - short of the modest pledge level I just signed up for, but nearly double the pledge level I was doing this year. A lot of those words are things that only sort of count for various reasons, but fuck it, they went in the spreadsheet anyway. Hopefully next year I can step up my game and I will have more actual stories to speak of, but this year I figured out that maybe I actually haven't forgotten how to write after all, so that's good too, I guess.

...hopefully they post the new word tracker spreadsheet very soon, because I am going to lose my mind pretty quickly if I don't have a place to tally up my words come midnight.

Fireworks are already going off and have been for hours. Olivia Natalia is having a slow, mostly quiet neurotic meltdown over them. I am trying very hard not to join her because the passage of time is scary and stressful and I feel like I am not prepared for it. 2015 tried to kill me. So did 2014, for that matter. 2016 has to be better, somehow.
mortalcity: A flock of corvids against a pale sky (corvids | the devil counted to seven)
Oh christ I think I just opened the door for animals like dolphins to use magic in one of my universes and I am a little horrified at myself. Parrot magic. Corvid magic. Squid magic.

WHAT HAVE I DONE. They're all assholes oh my god they don't need this power. ...to be fair, humans are also assholes who don't need that kind of power, but it's too late for that.

The elephants are the only ones who deserve magic. Protect elephant witches at all costs.

(Seriously though what have I done?)
mortalcity: Meredith, Izzie, George and Doc the boppy lying under a Christmas tree. (GA | lights will guide you home)
Belated happy winter holiday to those of you who have one. If you can call any of what is happening right now winter? Winter in Florida was never really anything of the sort, but this is so much worse than it used to be ten years ago. Global warming is just the worst.

KM is at their parents' farm for Christmas (probably primarily because they got dinner and presents and Star Wars out of the bargain, which I can't blame them for). I have decided I'm lonely and pretty much done with them being gone, but they refused to drive back down until tomorrow. Rude.

Meanwhile, for two days I've been acting like spoons aren't a thing because I was feeling pretty okay, and I am pretty sure I am just about to crash hard into the wall of "yes you really are disabled you fucking idiot". But I have dishes to do and so much laundry to put away still and I still have to feed myself and the animals until KM gets home tomorrow and ughhhh....

At least writing has been happening. Slowly and never as much as I want, but I am remembering how to put words together in a mostly coherent fashion, and that is reassuring. Sometimes I genuinely think I have forgotten. Finished a fic I've been working on since November, wrote some not-quite-drabbles with characters I missed (I would like to try and get in the habit of daily drabbles), about to tackle some worldbuilding I've been trying to sort out for a while. Yay, me.
mortalcity: A girl standing under a streetlight in a snowy park. (BW | they say you should not wander)
God, yesterday was exhausting. I came to visit family in Kansas, and... my family is huge. Just freaking huge, and now that everyone in my generation is starting to get married, it's just multiplying. Not all of them live close or came to visit, but enough of them... and absolutely none of them wanted to ask about my life or do much more than vaguely acknowledge my presence, because I am the weird disabled mentally ill lesbian and no one wants to be reminded of that.

...so yeah. I had to retreat to the guest room I'm staying in and sit in the dark for a few hours, took two anxiety pills that should have knocked me out if I weren't so wound up, and I'm still vaguely exhausted from it all and attempting to deal with it through excessive amounts of coffee.

Other than the lingering tiredness, though, today is much better. I only have to deal with my grandparents and my dad, who are just as introverted and disinclined to unnecessary conversation as I am, so we're all just existing in the same room not bothering each other and it is great.

And there's snow! Well, sleet, but as long as I don't have to leave the house, it's close enough. It's cold weather and frozen water falling from the sky, all of which I have missed, and will continue to appreciate unless it ends up delaying my flight out of here on Monday. We'll see.
mortalcity: Text: "Can I assume from your total silence and blank faces that you're all with me?" (text | total silence and blank faces)
I was just trying to write a cute backstory fic for Kilgate, and I accidentally threw in some fucking terrible foreshadowing. I kind of hate myself for this oh my god. I CAN'T EXPLAIN WHY IT HURTS SO MUCH BUT NO THIS IS AWFUL. MISTAKES WERE MADE.

...on the bright side, I finally finished this stupid story that's eaten my last two months. A couple thousand words isn't much for the time it took me to write, but I finished something and I'm so relieved because I was starting to think I wasn't capable of it anymore. [community profile] rainbowfic people, please be nice to me when I post this because I have been struggling and could use some reassurance I'm still... not totally incompetent at this.

I guess I have to pick something else to work on now. Maybe a few drabbles, if I can actually force myself to write something under a thousand words...


mortalcity: Mosaic of a winged person, from La Martorana in Palermo. (Default)
Aubrey; also Birdie

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